Replenish
For the first time in a long time, I am not pegged by an overwhelming feeling of dread caused by anxiety. Now it’s just the light buzzing of anxiety I have been associated with my whole life. Also, an awful amount of anxiety has been coming in waves because I’m watching Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, which is a war movie and I’m terrified that my favorite character is going to die, as how it usually goes. I’m sitting on the couch in Chicago with my aunt and uncle’s two dogs, we just so happen to call “the bears.” My parents, aunt, and uncle are at a gala for a friend of ours who is the President of a college here. I’m watching my cousin and my sister, both of who are on some sort of device, I guess I’m not any better, as I’m doing the same. I just overheard my cousin’s friend announce over house party while playing Fortnite, that Despacito “is way ahead of our time.” I love middle schoolers.
One thing that I am incredibly grateful for at the moment is my health. I was bedridden for exactly a week with what I found out was strep almost 5 days into it. I have not felt that sick in what feels like forever, possibly since I had pneumonia in 7th or 8th grade, I think it might have been 8th, either way- it sucked. I went to school once this past week, and even during that day I thought I was going to pass out the whole time. You know when you’re so sick that you feel like you’re walking on a weird cloud, but you’re also a cloud at the same time? That’s what I felt like the whole time. I did not go back to school after that. After what feels like a century, I finally feel like myself. Antibiotics are a wonderful thing. I know why I got so sick, too. When you have gone non-stop with 4-5 hours of sleep each night and are occupied with something every single waking moment, you get sick. I have been chronically tired and stressed for months now. It was the minute I stopped that my I could feel the soreness of my legs hit me and my head get woozy. After the rally on April 20th, I couldn’t even walk the short walk from the Plaza to my house. My father had to come get me because I thought I was going to be sick.
I’ll fill in everyone with everything I’ve done soon. My mind has been filled with all the things I did and was apart of, and I’m still having trouble comprehending it all. It’s been too much to even write about in my personal journal. If I think about it too much I cry a bit. There has been an immense amount of pressure that has been placed upon me, one that I don’t believe a lot of people have or will ever feel. I am thankful that I was trusted with what I have done and will do, but I am tired and am feeling the effects of it all. It may just take me some time to be able to put it all into words. Like after the March For Our Lives, I was not able to go on my phone for a few days afterwards. I’m doing what I’m passionate about, but I almost became drained. Sometimes if I’m to put my all into something, I need some time to replenish first. It’s taking me awhile to replenish, I guess.