Bittersweet
Today feels happy. There is no other way to put it. The weather is happy. I am happy as I can be, considering everything around me is not as happy. I hope this feeling does not fade. I’m afraid though, that with the sun shining as warmly as it has, I’ll fall asleep on this couch. I could not fall asleep until 1 in the morning, as I was plagued by a wandering mind. It’s sometimes really hard to center myself enough to fall asleep. It takes a lot of pleading to God to allow me to even focus for a minute or two to pray. There is just so much to think about, good and bad. How could I not stay up and think?
My government teacher told me today that there are no more full weeks of school for the rest of the year. How strange is that? I have no more full weeks of high school. That’s only if I take off for prom and participate in senior ditch day, which I most likely will, but still, that is so strange. So much is changing. I think to myself constantly, that as soon as I leave Valpo High School, there are only memories left for me there. So much is on the verge of changing, I can taste it like dark chocolate- it’s bittersweet. I made a list of everything I would like to do while school is still in session. Just in a bid to get me through these next couple weeks, as I’ve been struggling to stay motivated. I’ve put it everywhere I can, so I can remember it all.
I deleted all of my social media off of my phone last night. After spending what feels like every waking moment on social media, I need a break. I spent so many hours trying to convey messages and informing while leading the gun control movement, and honestly my thumb started to hurt from typing on my phone so much. I like myself more when I’m not constantly on my phone too. I spend more time doing things I like, which is always nice.
I did take some photos of myself today. I was feeling pretty for the first time in a long time. The sun was also hitting our sun room in the most magnificent way, so how could I pass up the opportunity to take some selfies? I am a millennial, am I not, or actually maybe I’m a Generation Z? I’m not exactly sure. Either way, I look kind of like a middle schooler, or a teenage girl from the 20's or 30's with my short hair. And in a bid to put effort into the way I look, I wore a pretty pink skirt. How can you not feel pretty in pink? But all together I look much younger than 18, but that’s ok. If I follow the footsteps of my parents, I’ll look much younger than I am when I should be old and gray.
I’m mostly writing as a way to procrastinate from starting my homework. It’s nearly 5 pm and if I don’t start soon, I’m going to be up way later than I want to. So I guess I should actually start it now. I’ll leave you with some of the photos I took.
