Stream of Consiousness
It’s been a tough week. I graduated this Sunday. I didn’t get much a chance to process any of this. No one really prepares you on how to feel once you graduate. No one really prepares you how to process graduating, but still going to another year of high school while all of your friends are going to college. No one tells how to properly process unexpectedly getting in a relationship knowing there’s an end date looming over our heads. Processing all of this has been exceedingly difficult as of late. It doesn’t help that all of my family decided to come to town for my graduation. Do not get me wrong, I love my family and am so grateful that they care enough to come see me graduate. It has just been so difficult to process everything while also having to entertain everyone. It’s not been easy in the slightest. All I’ve really wanted is some peace and quiet. Some moments where I can just sit and think through everything that is happening and is going to happen. But, I keep getting shamed for wanting to just be by myself. I have to be with my family, they’re only here for a week, I need to be with them, I’m leaving for a year and won’t see them, I need to hang out with them! That’s all I’ve been hearing, I just need to process everything my own way. I know it sounds selfish for me to think this way, but I know how I get when I can’t properly process something. I’m being selfish for myself and others sakes. Is that a weird way to look at it? Maybe. Oh well. This was just a pure ramble of emotions. I was up late last night. Maybe until 3:30 am. I was out until 2:30 am, which was a major no no for my mother. Until I came in crying and she was a bit more sympathetic. She understands how hard it is for me, I’ve finally found a guy who just GETS me. Which I know sounds so cliche and high school, but it’s true. I told Nick last night, he has been a breath of fresh air for me. But, we started talking about me leaving. He’s happy and excited for me to go, but we’re both sad nonetheless. We just found each other, but now we have to leave each other. It’s like a cheesy coming of age movie, except it’s real and there’s no obvious ending to the story so now I’m stressed. Like I’m watching the Batman: Dark Knight Rises. Also just realized I relate a lot of things to movies. Lmao, what can I say, love me some good film! Ok I think I’m done rambling. Not even going to read over this and correct my grammar mistakes, this is just pure stream of consciousness. So you, the reader, the person who deems my thoughts worthy of your time, can see what my brain is thinking on this Thursday? Friday? I don’t know what day it is morning? Afternoon? It’s the afternoon. Just saw the time. Okay, bye bye.