Anyways!
I find that I always find it hard to start these off. They always say that the opening sentence is very important. But most of the time all i really want to say is, “Yesterday was fun!” like what is that? Who knows? Anyway.
Yesterday was fun! And I mean it. It was also kind of a really hard day as well. See, how cliche does this all sound?? I’m rolling my eyes as I read over this. Anyway!! Yesterday was, let’s say, a day with dynamics! I don’t know if that’s the proper use of the word, but it makes sense to me, ya know? It started off pretty early, at least earlier for me. But, it’s a good thing I got up earlier than usual, because the Pancake Breakfast at the (only) church in Beverly. My mom didn’t think I was going, but when Eloise asked me if I wanted her to bring me back some pancakes I told her there would be no need and rushed to put myself together as best as I could. If there’s one thing to know about me, is that I will never turn down an opportunity to have pancakes. So Eloise, my mother, and I went to the Pancake Breakfast that’s hidden in the National Park. It’s a beautiful area, surrounded by forest. I can see why so many people from Beverly and Chesterton attend it. I would, but I’m not too big of a fan of catholicism, I don’t see anything wrong with it, but I like non denominational churches a bit more. The pancake was really nice, we met our friends there.
I love these people so much. Natalia and Mindy and their three kids, Evelina, Lucas, and Nicholas. Natalia is from Lithuania and Mindy is from Russia. Natalia was a couture model for a while and then settled down and is now an amazing mother. Their three children speak Lithuanian, Russian, and English! How cool is that?! They don’t have a house in Beverly Shores, but
they keep their camper at the campsite. They camp to teach their children to be humble, as they are very well off. But camping always teaches one to have a bit more humility and that not everything can be handed to you. I personally think that’s amazing parenting!
What we thought was only going to be a half hour or so at the pancake breakfast turned into a 2 hour stint. There was a 50/50 raffle that everyone was waiting to see if they won. I wasn’t complaining though! Nicholas, the youngest of their children is only one or two years old, and him and I are pretty good buddies. While my mom, Mindy, and Natalia were sitting and chatting and Eloise, Evalina, and Lucas were playing, Nicholas and I walked around exploring anything and everything. He really got a kick out the colorful flags that were hung up. He kept trying to pull them down but he didn’t respond to “no” so I had to say “Niet” a whole lot instead. I guess he responds to Russian a bit better. The amount of falls this kid had was humorous. Little toddlers have such big heads that if they run, their heads just go forwards or backwards, never in the right spot. So his head caused him quite a few topples. He’s so cute and such a good sport that everytime he fell he just popped right back up. It definitely enhanced my baby fever.
After the pancake breakfast Nick came out! He left for a cross country camp this morning and won’t be back until Thursday, so we wanted to spend some time together before he left. As soon as he got here, I took him on a golf cart ride. He hadn’t been around Beverly, which was ridiculous as I force him to come up all the time. I got to show him all the really cool architecture that makes Beverly so special. He wasn’t used to me driving, as I don’t have my license but I was able to drive the golf cart, and he admitted that I was a better driver than he thought I would be. That doesn’t mean I’m a good driver per say, but I am better than he thought I would be.
After the drive around, I made us lunch, I had a hamburger and he had two hot dogs and a hamburger. He’s a runner, he eats a lot, yet he is in such great shape. It angers me hahaha. He then gave me the silent treatment for a bit because he was mad that I said that one of his ex’s looked like she could be related to him. I didn’t think that was a bad thing, as she is a beautiful girl, they just have similar facial features. He did not take it as a simple observation. Homeboy was not having it at all. So we went to the beach and the waves were huge! He still wasn’t talking to me, I knew it was a playful silent treatment cause he still went in the water with me. The waves are always my favorite to play in. I was having a good time until Nick got too cocky with them and got tossed like a rag doll and got his back all torn up. The thing with the beaches here, they’re not very sandy unless you go pretty far out, it’s pretty much just rocks. It doesn’t bother me, as I’ve grown up with it, so my feet are nice a calloused, but Nick isn’t used to the way of the lake. He ended up getting out as soon as that wave knocked him over, and we had to patch up his back. It didn’t help that it was windy so sand kept blowing into it. As I say, you win some and you lose some!
The beach got really cold, so Nick and I headed up to the house and hung out while everyone was still down there. It wasn’t for long, because my parents came up since we were having family over for dinner. Nick and I just played cards, and then dealt Eloise in as soon as she came over. I love how good Nick is with Eloise, he treats her like a little sister/friend and it’s so sweet. We played War for a really long time, too long if you ask me. We then all set the table up for company and helped my mom get stuff together. All my family then came over and we all hung out around the house while we waited for the lamb to cook.
Dinner was so good, the food was all so so so delicious. The only down part was when my family all started talking about me leaving. It’s always really easy for me to talk about leaving, because I it never really hits me. But, when someone else starts talking about it, it all feels even more real. It doesn’t help that my tickets just came in too. It all feels so real. Nick always gets really sad when there’s talk about me leaving. He gets sad even when he just sees my “Tzell/Rotary” folder that holds all my visa and rotary stuff. When I walked him to his car when it was time for him to leave, we sat in his car for a while and just kind of sat there. Sometimes reality comes crashing in when you least expect it. For some reason I lost it and started crying. Which is something that is very difficult for me to do. I don’t cry as often as people think I do. I can get sad, but being on antidepressants make it harder to feel things as deeply as I used to. It’s like this weird blockage, but that blockage released itself for a moment or two. I started crying and hyperventilating a bit. Nick was really sweet about it and just held me as best he could with the center consul in our way. Usually he’s the one to be really sad, with me talking him through the emotions, but the tables turned. He kept reminding me how much I’m going to learn about myself, how important that it is that I do this, and how this is a new adventure. I needed to hear it from him. It’s so hard to fathom that I’m going to be all by myself for a year. My parents and friends say how much they’re going to miss me, but it’s hard for them to realize that I’m not just leaving one person, but I’m leaving EVERYONE I know and love. And I can’t blame them for not understanding that, as it’s hard for me to even realize it. I don’t know where I’m really going with this, I guess I’m just scared.
And that’s what I told my mom when I walked back into the house with tears in my eyes. She just hugged me and my aunt and grandparents encouraged me. I know that I will have an amazing time away, I know that for a fact. But, I don’t know who I will be coming back to when it’s all said and done, and that’s what scares me the most. A lot can happen in a year, and I’m excited to see how I come out of it, but I am just as equally terrified to see what I’m going to have to lose to become my true self. But, the good outways the bad, always.