Babbling

I’m at that point again where I’m not sure where to start. A lot has happened these past couple of weeks and it’s been difficult to keep up with how I am feeling. I feel like I need to get more grounded within myself. There’s been a lot of mixed emotions towards everything. Which I believe is to be expected, is it not? I don’t really know where to start. That’s how blocked up I feel I guess. That I don’t even have a proper starting point. I guess I can start with last night. That seems the easiest. Or I guess I should explain today.

Today is the first day of school in Valpo. Which is odd. Because that used to mean so much to me. But, now I’m not in American high school anymore. And that’s weird as well. I graduated highschool, but I’m not done with high school. That’s something that I can’t wrap my head around. You know? Like that is a weird thought. I’ve graduated high school, but I’m not done. It definitely won’t be the same when I’m in Romania though. It will be so different and feel like I’m in a different universe, but that’s still strange. All of my friends are going to college, there’s hardly anybody left in Valpo who isn’t at college. And everyone else is at primary school. It feels like a ghost town right now. Nick called me on his way to his vocational school, and all I could say or yell was “I’M BORED.” I’m not sure what to do with my time. It feels too early to start packing and it feels too late to do much else. I tried to go to lunch with Julia, but she already had plans. So I think we’ll be getting lunch on Friday! I’m excited to talk to her. As much as I love Nick, it is always nice to talk to a girl, especially one who has been there with me through it all.

Yesterday wasn’t really anything to write home about, if you know what I mean. I was watching my aunt’s dogs for the weekend, so I got to spend time with them. But that also means that they slept with me and kept me up pretty much the whole night. They usually get puppy sat by my grandmother but she was out of town as well. So I think they weren’t sure what to do with themselves. As I was staying in my grandmother’s house and in her bed but my grandmother wasn’t there. I think they were looking all over for her. Which means I was up until nearly 1 am and was up at 6 am to take care of them. So I spent the whole sunday sleeping as much as I could. We ended up going to my lake house and I had left my phone in Valpo, so it was quite easy to purely focus on sleeping. It didn’t help that the PGA was on, so there’s nothing better to induce sleep than watching golf. The puppies caught up on sleep as well and followed me everywhere I went to sleep and joined me for some z’s.

We were supposed to leave the Lake at 8, so by the time that I had finally caught up on my sleep, it was around the time I thought my family was supposed to be coming up. But around 7:45 my dear friend, Adeline, came up to my house on my golf cart to go and watch the sunset. So, John, Adeline, and I watched the sunset with our families. My mom had apparently told everyone that I was staying at the lake for the night. She had not told me this information but seemed to have told everyone else. I had to explain to her and everyone that I would not because I don’t have my medication, which is something I really should not go without. My mother got very offended and asked why I didn’t bring it with me, which I replied with that I can’t read minds, so how was I supposed to know that I would be spending the night at the lake. She apparently pulled the same thing on my older brother, who was not aware that he was expected to stay at the lake. We both had to explain to her that we can not read minds so therefore we were not made aware that we were to be staying out here. Adeline and Kevin were bummed that I wasn’t staying, which I would have loved to! If only I had been told that was the plan, I could have grabbed things like my medication, my phone, or maybe pajamas before we went out to the lake. I was only made aware that we were to spend the day at the lake, which I wasn’t even told until around 11 pm the night before. Do you see what I’m getting at? Communication is not my mother’s strong suit to say the least.

My older brother ended up taking my brothers and I back to Valpo, while my mom and sister stayed back to eat something. My brothers dropped me off to go get taco bell as soon as we got to Valpo. I would have gone, but the puppies were with me and they have extreme car anxiety so I had to get them out as soon as possible and help calm them down. I practically ran to my phone as soon as I saw it. Not because I’m addicted to my phone, but I do feel addicted to Nick and I hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to him all day. It was a good thing I got to my phone when I did. He was having a hard time. We ended up on the phone talking for an hour, there were plenty of tears on both ends. I had no idea that I would fall in love this fast and this hard, I would not recommend it to anyone who is leaving for a year. It sucks and brings you to tears at the oddest of times. And causes a lot of late night conversations of what if. And that lasted until I realized that he has school tomorrow and the last thing I want him to be is exhausted on the first day. Someday soon I’ll write about how my heart hurts when I think of leaving him, but I don’t believe that day is today. For now, that is all I can muster.