I'm Here

Well, I’m here! It’s definitely something that I kind of never thought I would say. For some reason, a part of me thought that maybe I would never make it here. I think the plane ride over, I really thought I wouldn’t make it here because I planned on taking the next plane home. Homesickness hit me before I even left my house. I don’t think I’ve felt this broken in my heart before. Leaving my house, it was so difficult but my mom was smart to rush me out, as she knew if I had it my way I would curl up in my bed and sob my eyes out. We left around 12 and soon went to say goodbye to all my grandparents to say goodbye. We had to make it short, because we were trying to get up to Chicago by 3 or 4. Saying goodbye to my grandparents was definitely very difficult but because we were on such a time crunch we couldn’t drag it out too much. The goodbyes were short and sweet, promising to see each other when I return. It’s so hard though, as all of my grandparents on my father’s side are failing in health and my great grandmother has alzheimer’s.

I can’t talk about saying goodbye to Nick yet. That hurts my heart too much. We’re still together thank goodness, because if we weren’t I’m sure I would die.

We went up to Chicago to my aunt’s house to all spend some time together before I had to go. It was nice, we got thai food. But I ended up crying some more and then puked it all up. It was rough. I tried to distract myself by playing banana grams with my grandmother. That was actually really nice and fun. When it was time to go I was trying my best to keep it together. But I was struggling with not crying so much.

At the airport, only my mom and dad went with me. At first my tickets weren’t being accepted because when you’re an American you don’t need a visa to access the country but you have to get a residential permit as soon as you get there. That was very difficult to make people understand, so I ended up calling my travel agent and we had to switch my return date to make it look like I was leaving earlier than I was. Which is very annoying. So that was stressful. We then ended up going to the wrong terminal which was kind of hilarious actually. Thankfully the plane was delayed so then we were able to kind of calm down. Saying goodbye to my parents was so hard. I asked my mom and dad to let me just go home. I was not feeling strong at all. I just wanted to curl up with them on the couch and watch the office. I ended up getting on the plane and talked to nick on the phone for a little bit. That made me cry a lot. Basically I was crying a lot. I didn’t realize how much of my heart the people in my life have.

The plane ride was torture because I got really, really sick. I’m not going to sugarcoat anything about this exchange. I think it’s important for everyone to know exactly how I’m doing, so maybe other exchange students can relate. Sitting on that plane for 8 hours where I felt like I was dying physically and emotionally was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. When I got to Munich I felt better for a bit, I talked to Nick for a little bit and let him know I was ok. I won’t let anyone tell me that I need to separate myself from him, I feel so much better every time I talk to him. I ended up writing in my journal for a little bit in this little napping part of the airport. When it was time to get on the airplane I was in tears again. Thankfully I didn’t have anyone I was sitting directly next to so I was able to cry a bit on the plane, and the person who was sitting a seat away from me was very kind and was checking up on me. As soon as the plane landed I called my mom and I started sobbing like a baby. I was the last person off, but the crew was very nice to me. Getting out of the airport was easy enough. I had to get all my luggage which was very heavy and I got a chance to use the restroom. When I arrived to where everyone was meeting, I automatically saw Simona, John, and Iasmina; my host family. It turns out that Simona and John can not speak english, but Iasmina speaks english very well. They had brought me flowers and balloons and it was all around very sweet. My face was obviously very puffy from crying and being in the air for so long.

The ride home was around 3 ½ hours. I slept for most of it, but in the beginning I spoke to Iasmina a lot. It was very comforting. I can tell that I am definitely wanted here which is very reassuring. We got to the apartment and Lili, my youth exchange officer came around 10 minutes later. I was falling asleep and still feeling sick so I was hardly able to eat any of the food that was given to me. Even though it tasted very good. I told them that I wasn’t able to eat on the plane either, as I felt sick out of my mind the whole time.

I ended up washing my body in the shower right as I was about to go to sleep and I was crying the whole time. I just couldn’t stop crying, my heart is just so soft right now. I fell asleep by 1 am their time, and was texting my mom the whole time. Thank goodness for her, I would be a mess without her, that’s for sure. It’ll get better. I talked to Dez, and he just reminded me that this is my exchange, that if it works out then that’s amazing, and if it doesn’t then that’s ok too. I just have to take it one step at a time. He told me that I just have to keep resetting the 10 seconds, and get through each 10 seconds. Thank goodness for him. I’ve also been praying like a mad man. I’m going to use this experience as an excuse to get closer to God. My mom sent me a bible study that I’m going to follow. Which hopefully will help. I just have to take everything 10 seconds at a time.